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"Cute. But I mean, in terms of your contract plans--what are your intentions? You...have options beside just renewing, you know." This time when he pokes toward Keith with chopsticks, there's a piece of sweet and sour chicken at the end of them, offering to feed in as well as gesturing for emphasis,
At the mention of plans, Keith visibly winces. "I... don't have any plans. I guess I figured I'd worry about it when it got closer. Or maybe the day of?" He's not entirely sure if Bash means for him to take that piece or not, but pointing at him with food is a good way to end up with no food. Leaning in on his elbows, he strikes quickly in case it wasn't intentional, and even takes time to chew but not swallowing before mumbling out an "Or after. I dunno."
"I want you to know, a contract with me is absolutely an option. You can have the spare bedroom--Jeff's not really using it. Or come sleep with us, bed's big enough for three. Or stay in the down, if you really want to. I just...I want you to know you're welcome here. If you want."
He clearly doesn't mind the food being stolen, almost immediately offering a chunk of bell pepper as well.
"You don't need to decide today. That's...why I'm bringing it up so early. So you have time to think and maybe let Rios know ahead of time if you do end up not renewing."
Keith just stares at him with wide eyes as he tries to process, the poor pepper going untouched while his mind catches up.
"Wait, shouldn't you talk to him first? I mean, I meant it when I said I wasn't trying to move in on anybody's space. And I really don't think I'm ready for that. Well, the three-thing." Does he think he's referring to a threesome? Why yes he does.
"One: I have talked to Jeff about offering you a contract. It's why I wanted you two to meet one another--so I'd know if you might get along. Two: babe, I'm not talking all three of us fucking. I just mean literally sleeping together. But that's also still not a requirement for any of the rest of it."
"I'm not saying no, I just... I didn't think I made all that good an impression on him, even if things did get better. He just seemed really on edge and I know I didn't exactly make it any easier on him. And I don't wanna make things harder for you or him."
At the same time though, there's another living arrangement that could be a possibility, since it'd leave him right where he is. "Or I could just stay put so it doesn't have to go upending your lives, but then I'd pretty much be where I'm at now with a different name on paper... buuuut at least you'd let me know you're alive." It's a lot to consider, a lot of different options to weigh, and a lot of choices he has to make. "Can I think about it?"
"Sweetheart, I wouldn't just let you know I'm alive. Even if you do stay in the Down, you don't get full and complete no-strings-attached with me. You'd have to check in once in a while. Show up at Cafe LeBlanc while I'm working to bug me, or something--maybe do dinners with me once in a while. It'd be written loose in the contract, but I'd want to see you sometimes."
Bash leans in over the table. "See, I like you. As I've said before. But yeah, you think on it. There's a reason I wanted to have this talk early, to give you all the time you need."
"I guess maybe not freezing would be kinda nice... or having pipes break and flooding and losing pretty much everything... or having to be armed to walk around... or getting weird looks or stopped and questioned every time I try to come up..." The winter in the Down is bad enough that he's not so sure he wants to know what it's like in the summer.
There is one thing though, that he doesn't say enough and it's something he wants to get a little more comfortable saying, if only for certain people. He's so used to showing affection in his own way that often he forgets that what he considers affection isn't always interpreted that way by others, so being able to say it would be good for him. "I- I like you, too. I know I said it before, but I mean it. Even if I do screw up sometimes."
Bash smiles softly, ducking his head in attempt to hide the warm color his cheeks are turning. "Screwing up is okay. It doesn't make me stop liking you, alright?"
But it is always nice to hear Keith say that he likes him back. It makes everything a little warmer, a little softer.
If he'd ever had his doubts about the sincerity of those words, that look is enough to chase them away, and Keith's response is a small, almost shy smile of his own. Trusting others can be difficult for him unless it's been proven that the other is trustworthy, but Bash has never shown him that he wasn't. "I know."
Using the brief lull to fight with noodles and chopsticks -how does one pick up noodles anyway?- he gathers his thoughts before asking a question of his own. "Can I ask you something? It's kind of stupid, but if I knew the answer, I wouldn't have to ask, so..."
"You know I'm not going to make fun of you if you need a fork, right?" He chuckles, but looks up from the plate to Keith's face. "Go ahead and ask. Anything, I'm an open book."
"No, I'm gonna get this. Maybe." And if not, he can at least say he tried, right? But first, he's going to ask his question. "How do you know if you like someone, or if you like, like someone? I've never really thought about it at home because there were so many other things going on, but now I don't have anything but time to think and I can't figure it out. Where's the line between them and what's the difference?"
He'd asked Pidge, but she hadn't given him much by way of an answer, and he wasn't going to go into more detail to try and explain it because she'd seemed disinterested. So instead he'll ask the one who made him question it in the first place.
Bash is polite enough not to laugh. But the question's definitely a whole thing, isn't it?
"Who's to say there is a hard line like that in the first place? Like...Vrenille's given me shit about it before, how easily I fall for people. I think he thinks I'm a little naive and soft. Maybe I am."
He offers Keith another bit of sweet and sour chicken as he tries to put everything into words. "Do they make you feel warm and fluttery? Do they make you feel comfortable and safe? When you go to bed at night, do you think about how your day was better because you got some time with them? Would it kind of wreck you, if they disappeared?"
"Vrenille's..." Ooh, chicken. Hang on while he takes that piece. "Vrenille's Vrenille."
And what does that mean? Who knows. It makes sense to him, because that's one guy who's like nothing he's ever run into before, and whether it's a good or bad thing, he's not entirely sure. But the rest of what Bash says makes him stop, actually thinking on it, and unsure how to take it. "Maybe? Why? What does it mean?" Because he's guilty of all of the above.
"If you feel like that about someone, that's not just liking them, or even liking them. That's love. And whoever you feel that way about is damned lucky."
"What?" The chopsticks slip from his fingers, one clattering to the plate, the other bouncing to the floor. That can't be right. There's no way it's right! There's gotta be a loophole or something. Or maybe he means familial? "I'm not-- I..."
He's only ever said it to Shiro and his dad, and they were family! At the same time though, he's never actually been in love before to know the difference. Or maybe he has and there isn't a difference at all and he's just deluded himself into thinking there was to make it easy for him to pick apart.
But whether it's right or not, there's one thing he can't argue. Lowering his head to stare blankly at the plate in front of him, his voice drops to little more than a squeak. "It's you."
"Good. Because I love you, too. Shit, Keith, I don't just offer contracts to anyone. Only people I want in my home, as well as my bed. I want to see what you look like waking up with bedhead. I want to take care of you when you've got a cold. I want to just lay around with you on the weekends when I've got nowhere else to be."
He's quiet, stunned speechless at the words. Shiro had told him he'd wanted to help him, that he wasn't going to give up on him, had given him a chance to start over, but compared to this, it's nowhere close to the same. These are things he'd never really considered for himself or thought anyone would really want with someone as damaged as he is, and yet here's Bash blowing it completely out of the water.
Part of him wants to cry. Part of him wants to scream. Something, anything to let out every pent up emotion, all of the uncertainty, all of the stress and confusion, because this is a thing he has to face and he's woefully unprepared. He'd been driving himself crazy trying to figure out where the line was, how one could tell the difference and if there was a difference. He'd wanted so badly to avoid getting attached because he didn't want to open himself up to getting hurt, but in doing that, he'd gone ahead and gotten attached anyway.
"I'm not gonna cry." The words, mumbled through clenched teeth, are more said for himself than to Bash, his eyes squeezed shut. "I'm not. I-- fuck." This isn't like him... but he hasn't heard those words directed at him since his dad died, and this is the first time they've ever been in this context.
Bash stands up, walking around the table to drape himself over Keith from behind, chin on his shoulder, arms loosely around him. "It's okay, if you want to cry. I'm sorry, didn't mean to get so heavy with everything."
Except he doesn't regret doing so. He doesn't hate that he's finally laid his cards on the table. Oh look, a royal flush--hearts, of course.
Comforting. Safe. If he'd been Lance, he'd have run for the hills because 'safe and warm' meant crazy mermaids and mind-swishing, but he's not Lance by any stretch, and Bash isn't a crazy mermaid. "I'm okay..." It's just a lot to take in all at once.
Giving himself a chance to breathe and leaning into the loose embrace, Keith takes a slow, deep breath to steady himself before trying this again, the words heavy and unfamiliar on his tongue. Even if he ends up getting hurt eventually, even if it turns out he jumped in too quickly and way over his head, he'll deal with it later. For now, he's grabbing hold of whatever this is and running with it. "I love you."
"And I love you, too. And that doesn't mean you have to contract with me, but now you have the full picture of why I made the offer. Take your time, think it all over." Bash tilts his head, kissing Keith on the cheek. "I'm not gonna rush you into anything."
"I know." Lifting a hand to reach back behind him, Keith's fingers go straight for that low ponytail, twirling the long strands. "But there's a lot to think about and I need to make sure I'm doing what's best for me."
Or at least consider whether or not having to deal with him all the time would make them not want to be around him. If nothing else, Keith knows he can be a handful at times. "If we did, what would go in it?" He knows there isn't much he'd ask for, but he's not the only one involved.
"That depends on what you want and need. I mean the obvious things: you can work, you can spend money without asking, you can travel between the Up and Down, that's all already guaranteed. I'd want you to let me know if you're having quota problems in a given month, so I can help you out. The rest, that's all blank canvas. Jeff, he knows he's got some accountability issues, so my contract with him includes him eating at least two meals a day with a carb and a protein, and getting six hours of sleep a night. He asked me for that, so I could ride his ass if he needed it."
And he's still having some trouble, but Jeff and Bash are working that out.
Tilting his head so that he can better see him in their current position, Keith raises an eyebrow. "That's all I'd ask for, really. I don't bring people home with me, so you wouldn't have to worry about that, either. I mean, I lost my virginity to some random guy in a bar here. I'm not taking someone like that home. That's... probably the extent of my standards though."
Actually, he limits himself as far as that's concerned to Bash, Vrenille, and said bar that Vrenille had taken him to as an introduction to sex when he'd first arrived, though namely because the drinks aren't bad and it's a help to desensitize him to being around others going at it -it's not often that he engages in anything himself, but in the event he waits too long on quota, it's good for a last-minute romp.
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dispersing) wrote2021-09-24 11:51 am
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Yeah, definitely not what's being asked.
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He clearly doesn't mind the food being stolen, almost immediately offering a chunk of bell pepper as well.
"You don't need to decide today. That's...why I'm bringing it up so early. So you have time to think and maybe let Rios know ahead of time if you do end up not renewing."
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"Wait, shouldn't you talk to him first? I mean, I meant it when I said I wasn't trying to move in on anybody's space. And I really don't think I'm ready for that. Well, the three-thing." Does he think he's referring to a threesome? Why yes he does.
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Poor Keith, stuck on the threesomes...
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At the same time though, there's another living arrangement that could be a possibility, since it'd leave him right where he is. "Or I could just stay put so it doesn't have to go upending your lives, but then I'd pretty much be where I'm at now with a different name on paper... buuuut at least you'd let me know you're alive." It's a lot to consider, a lot of different options to weigh, and a lot of choices he has to make. "Can I think about it?"
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Bash leans in over the table. "See, I like you. As I've said before. But yeah, you think on it. There's a reason I wanted to have this talk early, to give you all the time you need."
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There is one thing though, that he doesn't say enough and it's something he wants to get a little more comfortable saying, if only for certain people. He's so used to showing affection in his own way that often he forgets that what he considers affection isn't always interpreted that way by others, so being able to say it would be good for him. "I- I like you, too. I know I said it before, but I mean it. Even if I do screw up sometimes."
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But it is always nice to hear Keith say that he likes him back. It makes everything a little warmer, a little softer.
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Using the brief lull to fight with noodles and chopsticks -how does one pick up noodles anyway?- he gathers his thoughts before asking a question of his own. "Can I ask you something? It's kind of stupid, but if I knew the answer, I wouldn't have to ask, so..."
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He'd asked Pidge, but she hadn't given him much by way of an answer, and he wasn't going to go into more detail to try and explain it because she'd seemed disinterested. So instead he'll ask the one who made him question it in the first place.
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"Who's to say there is a hard line like that in the first place? Like...Vrenille's given me shit about it before, how easily I fall for people. I think he thinks I'm a little naive and soft. Maybe I am."
He offers Keith another bit of sweet and sour chicken as he tries to put everything into words. "Do they make you feel warm and fluttery? Do they make you feel comfortable and safe? When you go to bed at night, do you think about how your day was better because you got some time with them? Would it kind of wreck you, if they disappeared?"
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And what does that mean? Who knows. It makes sense to him, because that's one guy who's like nothing he's ever run into before, and whether it's a good or bad thing, he's not entirely sure. But the rest of what Bash says makes him stop, actually thinking on it, and unsure how to take it. "Maybe? Why? What does it mean?" Because he's guilty of all of the above.
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"If you feel like that about someone, that's not just liking them, or even liking them. That's love. And whoever you feel that way about is damned lucky."
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He's only ever said it to Shiro and his dad, and they were family! At the same time though, he's never actually been in love before to know the difference. Or maybe he has and there isn't a difference at all and he's just deluded himself into thinking there was to make it easy for him to pick apart.
But whether it's right or not, there's one thing he can't argue. Lowering his head to stare blankly at the plate in front of him, his voice drops to little more than a squeak. "It's you."
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He pauses, smiling easily. "Because I love you."
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Part of him wants to cry. Part of him wants to scream. Something, anything to let out every pent up emotion, all of the uncertainty, all of the stress and confusion, because this is a thing he has to face and he's woefully unprepared. He'd been driving himself crazy trying to figure out where the line was, how one could tell the difference and if there was a difference. He'd wanted so badly to avoid getting attached because he didn't want to open himself up to getting hurt, but in doing that, he'd gone ahead and gotten attached anyway.
"I'm not gonna cry." The words, mumbled through clenched teeth, are more said for himself than to Bash, his eyes squeezed shut. "I'm not. I-- fuck." This isn't like him... but he hasn't heard those words directed at him since his dad died, and this is the first time they've ever been in this context.
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Except he doesn't regret doing so. He doesn't hate that he's finally laid his cards on the table. Oh look, a royal flush--hearts, of course.
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Giving himself a chance to breathe and leaning into the loose embrace, Keith takes a slow, deep breath to steady himself before trying this again, the words heavy and unfamiliar on his tongue. Even if he ends up getting hurt eventually, even if it turns out he jumped in too quickly and way over his head, he'll deal with it later. For now, he's grabbing hold of whatever this is and running with it. "I love you."
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Or at least consider whether or not having to deal with him all the time would make them not want to be around him. If nothing else, Keith knows he can be a handful at times. "If we did, what would go in it?" He knows there isn't much he'd ask for, but he's not the only one involved.
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And he's still having some trouble, but Jeff and Bash are working that out.
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Actually, he limits himself as far as that's concerned to Bash, Vrenille, and said bar that Vrenille had taken him to as an introduction to sex when he'd first arrived, though namely because the drinks aren't bad and it's a help to desensitize him to being around others going at it -it's not often that he engages in anything himself, but in the event he waits too long on quota, it's good for a last-minute romp.
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